Managing the Stress of Your Divorce
Most likely, you are not fully aware of the mental and emotional stress that accompanies a divorce. Leaving a person you have loved, and reorganizing the family you have known, is a major life change. Major life changes are stressful and difficult for most people to handle.
Research has shown the only event more stressful than divorce and marital separation is the death of your spouse.
As a result of your divorce, you may experience changes in finances, housing, and time with your children. You will have to focus on how the divorce is impacting you, as well as your children, while you are continuing to serve your other responsibilities.
There are some things you can do to limit the stress you are feeling during your divorce.
First, speak with your spouse about committing to move forward cooperatively. You have choices for moving forward that are low-conflict and will reduce your stress. You can attend mediation, you can work together to negotiate a settlement agreement, and/or you can choose the Collaborative Divorce process. All of these options are available to you before you file your divorce case in court.
Second, whatever method you choose, stay organized. You are attempting to juggle new responsibilities related to financial obligations, living arrangements, and children. It can all be so overwhelming. You can maintain better control of how you are spending your time and energy by organizing yourself.
Third, control who is surrounding you. People who tell you everything you want to hear, and people who tell you to fight for everything, are doing you no favors. You want realists who are going to help you see the big picture and not steer you down a path of financial ruin and emotional despair. Get rid of the toxic relationships and hold on to those who provide you emotional support.
Fourth, find ways to provide yourself positive thoughts. Your thoughts control you. If you wallow in negative thoughts, you will only see negative behavior, negative outcomes, and a negative future. During a divorce, it’s very easy to find ways to blame yourself for the loss of the relationship, or to wonder why you failed to see what a jerk your spouse is when you first met. Don’t do that. Read positive thinking books, talk to a therapist, talk with supportive friends, read positive quotes of great people, and surround yourself with posters and cards bearing positive messages.
Fifth, take care of yourself. It’s very easy to convince yourself you don’t have time, energy, or money to do something for yourself when you are working through a divorce. It is important, however, to exercise and plan leisure activities. Engage in what makes you excited right now. It doesn’t matter if they are small and inexpensive action steps. The point is that you have to maintain your health and productivity, and you need activities you look forward to participating in.
Remember, your divorce doesn’t define you and it doesn’t define your whole life. A positive future awaits you, and you can transition to it more easily and more smoothly if you follow through on ways to reduce the stress.
Research has shown the only event more stressful than divorce and marital separation is the death of your spouse.
As a result of your divorce, you may experience changes in finances, housing, and time with your children. You will have to focus on how the divorce is impacting you, as well as your children, while you are continuing to serve your other responsibilities.
There are some things you can do to limit the stress you are feeling during your divorce.
First, speak with your spouse about committing to move forward cooperatively. You have choices for moving forward that are low-conflict and will reduce your stress. You can attend mediation, you can work together to negotiate a settlement agreement, and/or you can choose the Collaborative Divorce process. All of these options are available to you before you file your divorce case in court.
Second, whatever method you choose, stay organized. You are attempting to juggle new responsibilities related to financial obligations, living arrangements, and children. It can all be so overwhelming. You can maintain better control of how you are spending your time and energy by organizing yourself.
Third, control who is surrounding you. People who tell you everything you want to hear, and people who tell you to fight for everything, are doing you no favors. You want realists who are going to help you see the big picture and not steer you down a path of financial ruin and emotional despair. Get rid of the toxic relationships and hold on to those who provide you emotional support.
Fourth, find ways to provide yourself positive thoughts. Your thoughts control you. If you wallow in negative thoughts, you will only see negative behavior, negative outcomes, and a negative future. During a divorce, it’s very easy to find ways to blame yourself for the loss of the relationship, or to wonder why you failed to see what a jerk your spouse is when you first met. Don’t do that. Read positive thinking books, talk to a therapist, talk with supportive friends, read positive quotes of great people, and surround yourself with posters and cards bearing positive messages.
Fifth, take care of yourself. It’s very easy to convince yourself you don’t have time, energy, or money to do something for yourself when you are working through a divorce. It is important, however, to exercise and plan leisure activities. Engage in what makes you excited right now. It doesn’t matter if they are small and inexpensive action steps. The point is that you have to maintain your health and productivity, and you need activities you look forward to participating in.
Remember, your divorce doesn’t define you and it doesn’t define your whole life. A positive future awaits you, and you can transition to it more easily and more smoothly if you follow through on ways to reduce the stress.