5.5 Things To Do Before You Divorce
1. Talk to a mental health professional about saving your marriage.
Even if you believe there is no way to save your marriage, take the time to invest in “divorce counseling”. I have seen unsalvageable marriages salvaged with counseling. Furthermore, the worst time to start counseling is after you have already initiated the divorce. When starting a divorce, negative things are said and done (sometimes unknowingly) that can’t be unsaid and undone.
Counseling can also help you discover what went wrong, how to cope, and how to pick up the pieces and go on. If your spouse won’t participate in counseling, at least obtain counseling for yourself for these reasons.
My firm will gladly furnish you with a list of recommended counselors. You can also find a list of wonderful counselors who promote cooperative and low conflict divorces at the Florida Academy of Collaborative Professionals website.
2. Talk to an attorney before taking any steps or making any decisions
Even if you don’t end up hiring an attorney to handle your divorce, you want to get as much information as possible before you even discuss divorce with your spouse. There’s a lot to know about a Florida divorce, and it’s not all understandable just by reading it on the internet. Especially when you are already in emotional distress.
Your first steps, as well as your first discussion with your spouse, will set the tone for the rest of the divorce. You need to understand your options ahead of time so you don’t make critical mistakes and so you don’t turn a potentially cooperative divorce into an expensive, high conflict divorce.
You can also find a list of experienced attorneys who promote cooperative and low conflict divorces at the Florida Academy of Collaborative Professionals website.
3. Do not move out of the marital home without speaking with an attorney
Moving out of the marital home could cause complications related to the division of property, payment of marital expenses, and ability to co-parent. There is no concern about legal “abandonment”; however, from a practical standpoint, moving out prematurely could put you at a disadvantage, especially with parenting time.
My client, Tony, moved out of the house quickly, and he and his wife didn’t have an agreed upon parenting schedule. Although his wife wasn’t preventing Tony from seeing the kids, she also wasn’t doing anything extra to make sure the kids were spending time with Tony. Because of the vagueness of their parenting arrangement and lack of strong communication between Tony and his wife, the kids were frequently unavailable at the times Tony was available. Have an informal schedule for spending time with your kids in place immediately.
Moving out of the house also causes complications with expenses. Many couples are struggling to keep up with the expenses of one house. Can you afford additional household expenses? Is your spouse going to pay all the existing household expenses because you’re no longer living there? Don’t make any assumptions. What seems a fair arrangement to you, may not seem fair to your spouse.
Also consider whether you want to be in possession of the marital home after the divorce. If so, moving out of the home gives the appearance you are not interested in possessing the home. It is also more complicated to move out and move back in. Before moving from the home, discuss these logistics with your spouse.
The best advice is to stay in the house until after you talk with an attorney, unless your spouse is violent. If your spouse is violent, you must take all steps necessary to protect yourself and your children.
4. Gather your financial documents immediately
Divorce cases depend heavily on documents. Florida requires each divorcing spouse to file Financial Affidavits and exchange all sorts of documents (called Mandatory Disclosure). Therefore, your bank account statements, retirement account statements, mortgages, and all other financial documents are most likely relevant to your divorce.
Save yourself future problems and headaches by gathering documents immediately. Before announcing your intention to divorce, gather all these documents for your case. Go to that filing cabinet, or box, or the pile of documents sitting on the floor, and make copies of everything before meeting with your attorney. Also, make sure you have your own access to your shared online accounts. It’s easy for your spouse to change a shared password and lock you out.
5. Take steps to protect your marital assets and avoid building debt
Protect Your Assets
As soon as you or your spouse are thinking about a divorce, set aside money to hire the professional help you will need.
Take possession of the physical property you intend to use during separation and want to keep after the divorce. By this, I mean your personal belongings, vehicle, and even furniture.
You also want to secure those assets that could be easily liquidated, such as precious gems and stones, collectibles, and stocks and bonds. You will soon want to seek a written agreement with your spouse how to share those assets or at least agree in writing to leave them intact until further agreement or court order.
If you are unable to achieve a written agreement with your spouse, as soon as you file for divorce, file a motion with the Court asking the judge to issue an order (an injunction) that those assets can’t be liquidated, transferred, or otherwise disposed without agreement or court order. Until you obtain that type of written agreement or court order, you want to make it difficult for your spouse to be able to liquidate those assets, and you certainly don’t want to liquidate them yourself.
You may want to secure cash accounts as well. It depends on the level of cooperation between you and your spouse whether you need to be concerned. It is always best to discuss the situation with an attorney before taking any action. There could be consequences for your actions.
If you decide to take action, the most practical way to secure cash accounts is to move half to an account in your individual name and leave half for your spouse to access. Once you leave half for your spouse, don’t start utilizing your spouse’s funds without touching your funds. You each get half. Period.
If you do move half the cash without consulting an attorney, immediately discuss the consequences of that action with an attorney.
Florida law does allow you to obtain a Court order for an interim distribution of property while your divorce case is pending. Such an interim distribution could, for instance, give you much needed funds on which to live.
Avoid Building Debt
Both spouses should take all necessary steps to avoid increasing debt to the extent possible. Increased debt will make it more challenging to separate your financial futures.
If you’re the breadwinner in the family, you need to continue to provide your spouse financial support in addition to half the available funds. The Judge won’t look favorably upon you building up your cash assets from your income while your spouse is being forced to drain their cash assets or building debt just to survive.
Don't use credit cards or home equity loans.
Other protective measures you might consider in your divorce planning include:
5.5. Start assembling a support network, which includes a team of professionals
No matter how cooperative you and your spouse are with each other, divorce takes an emotional toll on you and your family. You need to surround yourself with people who can help you through this difficult time.
Let your closest friends know your situation. Let them know you’re not looking for advice; you’re just looking for unconditional support.
Find a therapist who is experienced with separating and divorcing families. You will count on their professional skills to help with your emotional stability, which will allow you to make smart decisions as your divorce progresses.
You should consider working with a financial advisor experienced with divorce cases. You will need assistance structuring your financial life going forward. You will be receiving half the assets, and you want to make sure you’re requesting the ones that are most beneficial for you. Assets with equal value today don’t necessarily have the same future value. You are also reducing the income available to you, so you need to know how to maximize the available income. You will need assistance from your financial advisor evaluating various settlement proposals.
If you already have a financial planner, make sure you’re comfortable working with him/her through the divorce. Do they have an allegiance to your spouse that makes you uncomfortable? Do they fully understand your income and investment goals once you’re no longer married?
A Certified Public Account (CPA) can also help you understand the income history of your family as well as help you understand the tax implications of your divorce.
The team that supports you during your divorce is extremely important to your survival - emotionally and financially.
Even if you believe there is no way to save your marriage, take the time to invest in “divorce counseling”. I have seen unsalvageable marriages salvaged with counseling. Furthermore, the worst time to start counseling is after you have already initiated the divorce. When starting a divorce, negative things are said and done (sometimes unknowingly) that can’t be unsaid and undone.
Counseling can also help you discover what went wrong, how to cope, and how to pick up the pieces and go on. If your spouse won’t participate in counseling, at least obtain counseling for yourself for these reasons.
My firm will gladly furnish you with a list of recommended counselors. You can also find a list of wonderful counselors who promote cooperative and low conflict divorces at the Florida Academy of Collaborative Professionals website.
2. Talk to an attorney before taking any steps or making any decisions
Even if you don’t end up hiring an attorney to handle your divorce, you want to get as much information as possible before you even discuss divorce with your spouse. There’s a lot to know about a Florida divorce, and it’s not all understandable just by reading it on the internet. Especially when you are already in emotional distress.
Your first steps, as well as your first discussion with your spouse, will set the tone for the rest of the divorce. You need to understand your options ahead of time so you don’t make critical mistakes and so you don’t turn a potentially cooperative divorce into an expensive, high conflict divorce.
You can also find a list of experienced attorneys who promote cooperative and low conflict divorces at the Florida Academy of Collaborative Professionals website.
3. Do not move out of the marital home without speaking with an attorney
Moving out of the marital home could cause complications related to the division of property, payment of marital expenses, and ability to co-parent. There is no concern about legal “abandonment”; however, from a practical standpoint, moving out prematurely could put you at a disadvantage, especially with parenting time.
My client, Tony, moved out of the house quickly, and he and his wife didn’t have an agreed upon parenting schedule. Although his wife wasn’t preventing Tony from seeing the kids, she also wasn’t doing anything extra to make sure the kids were spending time with Tony. Because of the vagueness of their parenting arrangement and lack of strong communication between Tony and his wife, the kids were frequently unavailable at the times Tony was available. Have an informal schedule for spending time with your kids in place immediately.
Moving out of the house also causes complications with expenses. Many couples are struggling to keep up with the expenses of one house. Can you afford additional household expenses? Is your spouse going to pay all the existing household expenses because you’re no longer living there? Don’t make any assumptions. What seems a fair arrangement to you, may not seem fair to your spouse.
Also consider whether you want to be in possession of the marital home after the divorce. If so, moving out of the home gives the appearance you are not interested in possessing the home. It is also more complicated to move out and move back in. Before moving from the home, discuss these logistics with your spouse.
The best advice is to stay in the house until after you talk with an attorney, unless your spouse is violent. If your spouse is violent, you must take all steps necessary to protect yourself and your children.
4. Gather your financial documents immediately
Divorce cases depend heavily on documents. Florida requires each divorcing spouse to file Financial Affidavits and exchange all sorts of documents (called Mandatory Disclosure). Therefore, your bank account statements, retirement account statements, mortgages, and all other financial documents are most likely relevant to your divorce.
Save yourself future problems and headaches by gathering documents immediately. Before announcing your intention to divorce, gather all these documents for your case. Go to that filing cabinet, or box, or the pile of documents sitting on the floor, and make copies of everything before meeting with your attorney. Also, make sure you have your own access to your shared online accounts. It’s easy for your spouse to change a shared password and lock you out.
5. Take steps to protect your marital assets and avoid building debt
Protect Your Assets
As soon as you or your spouse are thinking about a divorce, set aside money to hire the professional help you will need.
Take possession of the physical property you intend to use during separation and want to keep after the divorce. By this, I mean your personal belongings, vehicle, and even furniture.
You also want to secure those assets that could be easily liquidated, such as precious gems and stones, collectibles, and stocks and bonds. You will soon want to seek a written agreement with your spouse how to share those assets or at least agree in writing to leave them intact until further agreement or court order.
If you are unable to achieve a written agreement with your spouse, as soon as you file for divorce, file a motion with the Court asking the judge to issue an order (an injunction) that those assets can’t be liquidated, transferred, or otherwise disposed without agreement or court order. Until you obtain that type of written agreement or court order, you want to make it difficult for your spouse to be able to liquidate those assets, and you certainly don’t want to liquidate them yourself.
You may want to secure cash accounts as well. It depends on the level of cooperation between you and your spouse whether you need to be concerned. It is always best to discuss the situation with an attorney before taking any action. There could be consequences for your actions.
If you decide to take action, the most practical way to secure cash accounts is to move half to an account in your individual name and leave half for your spouse to access. Once you leave half for your spouse, don’t start utilizing your spouse’s funds without touching your funds. You each get half. Period.
If you do move half the cash without consulting an attorney, immediately discuss the consequences of that action with an attorney.
Florida law does allow you to obtain a Court order for an interim distribution of property while your divorce case is pending. Such an interim distribution could, for instance, give you much needed funds on which to live.
Avoid Building Debt
Both spouses should take all necessary steps to avoid increasing debt to the extent possible. Increased debt will make it more challenging to separate your financial futures.
If you’re the breadwinner in the family, you need to continue to provide your spouse financial support in addition to half the available funds. The Judge won’t look favorably upon you building up your cash assets from your income while your spouse is being forced to drain their cash assets or building debt just to survive.
Don't use credit cards or home equity loans.
Other protective measures you might consider in your divorce planning include:
- protecting your own credit rating by freezing or closing joint cards and by blocking your spouse’s access to other joint credit such as a home equity loan;
- making sure you have good credit established in your own name. It can be difficult to get credit cards, especially if you have no recent work history;
- closing joint bank accounts and opening accounts in your own, individual name; and
- changing the name of the responsible party on utility and other bills.
5.5. Start assembling a support network, which includes a team of professionals
No matter how cooperative you and your spouse are with each other, divorce takes an emotional toll on you and your family. You need to surround yourself with people who can help you through this difficult time.
Let your closest friends know your situation. Let them know you’re not looking for advice; you’re just looking for unconditional support.
Find a therapist who is experienced with separating and divorcing families. You will count on their professional skills to help with your emotional stability, which will allow you to make smart decisions as your divorce progresses.
You should consider working with a financial advisor experienced with divorce cases. You will need assistance structuring your financial life going forward. You will be receiving half the assets, and you want to make sure you’re requesting the ones that are most beneficial for you. Assets with equal value today don’t necessarily have the same future value. You are also reducing the income available to you, so you need to know how to maximize the available income. You will need assistance from your financial advisor evaluating various settlement proposals.
If you already have a financial planner, make sure you’re comfortable working with him/her through the divorce. Do they have an allegiance to your spouse that makes you uncomfortable? Do they fully understand your income and investment goals once you’re no longer married?
A Certified Public Account (CPA) can also help you understand the income history of your family as well as help you understand the tax implications of your divorce.
The team that supports you during your divorce is extremely important to your survival - emotionally and financially.
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If you are thinking of representing yourself, review our DIY Services and Mediation services. Also review our Flat-Fee Simple Divorce services.
If you are thinking of representing yourself, review our DIY Services and Mediation services. Also review our Flat-Fee Simple Divorce services.
We can meet in person in Ft. Myers or Naples, by telephone, or online.
We offer free initial telephone conversations for clients seeking our services.
We offer free initial telephone conversations for clients seeking our services.