How To Tell Your Kids About Your Divorce

Telling your minor children about your divorce is obviously the most important discussion you will have about your divorce. Oddly enough, studies show most parents don't discuss their divorce with their children. Failure to have this discussion leaves the children confused, anxious, upset, and lonely.

So, how do you break the news to your children? Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Have this conversation well in advance of the final order, and even before you have started the divorce process. Don't wait until papers are signed and people are moving out of the family home.
• Prepare a script: You and your spouse need to agree upon what you will say to your children. It's important to do this together. It is not helpful to the children if you decide on your own to proceed with telling the children without your co-parent participating. The script should include the time and place you will tell your children together. Share with your children the differences you and your spouse have been having. Above all else, your communication to your children should reassure them the divorce is not their fault and you both love them as always. Let them know it's ok to love both parents still. Let them know what the divorce will mean for them.
• Be prepared to answer practical and logical questions: Your children will want to know where they will be living and which parent they will be living with. They will want to know which parent is moving out. They will want to know if they will have to change schools and if they will have to change friends. Be prepared to answer these types of questions.
• Be respectful: Talk nice about your co-parent in front of the children. Don't argue with each other. Treat each other with respect. This is really the only way to appropriately act in front of the children.
• Acknowledge your children's feelings: Let them know it's ok to be upset, sad, angry, etc. Encourage them to express their feelings. Let them know you will help them find ways to deal with their feelings.